“Sloppy Joe” Rectangular Jumper
Click here for the PDF of Sloppy Joe pattern
If, like me, you are scared of shaping, making tension swatches to check your gauge, and generally making a jumper that looks just wrong for all your effort, you might like this.
It is rectangular, so is a jumper to relax in. It’s always going to look sloppy, it’s never going to be smart or formal, but it is going to be loved, yours and something to be very proud of, especially if it the first jumper you ever knit.
It also isn’t complex. It demands nothing but some simple maths to start with, and you are pretty much making it up as you go along, within the loose framework set out below. Therefore, it is, and forever will be, uniquely yours.
Preparation:
Pick some yarn: This is all about what fibre you pick, and the yardage thereof of what you want to knit. Depending on what you pick, For the “average” body you normally need between 700-900m of yarn, depending on it’s thickness. This can be anything from 6-15 skeins! Your yarn shop will normally be able to advise you the average yardage for a particular type of yarn. You could always weigh one of your own jumpers with a similar gauge and identical fibre content to what you want to produce and then obtain a similar amount from either here or your LYS. 
Pick Needles to Match: You are almost certainly going to have to use a 80cm -100cm circular needle to do this, as the body rectangles will be quite large. You can easily knit “straight” on a Circ, you just use either point as you would a straight set of needles, but they have the added bonus of helping to support the weight of the yarn in a balanced way as it travels from side to side.
Decide how long and how wide you want it to be:
- Measure around the widest part of your body. Add 5-10cm to it for ease, and another 2cm for seam allowance (Depending how sloppy you want your jumper to be!) This is the Jumper’s body circumference.
- Measure around the top of your arm. Add at least 5cm for ease, and 2cm for seam allowance, unless you want a very tight sleeve at the top of your arm. This is your jumper’s sleeve circumference.
- Measure from the edge of your shoulder to your wrist. Add 1cm as seam allowance.
- Measure down from your collarbone to where you want the body to stop. Add 1cm seam allowance.
Look at how many stitches per 10cm your yarn gives (On the ball band usually). If you are a “good knitter”, knit a 20cmx20cm swatch and count to check this is the truth. I’m not a good knitter…
Armed with the above, work out how many stitches will be enough to make up your measurements. Round up to make the numbers even if they are not. Makes sewing up easier. 
Decide on Garter or Stocking stitch.
IF you can, you may decide to throw a cable or two on it! These are simple to do, yet look so complex!
IF you want, and you decide on Stocking Stitch, you could use 5cm or so of 2×2 ribbing or Moss Stitch on your bottom edges, and 10cm or so on the cuff edge to give it a little definition, and to stop it rolling up on you. You might decide a rolled edge looks good though…
IF you decide to Rib/Moss, go up a needle size for the ribbing, so the fabric doesn’t gather in at the bottom. You may want it to pull in on the cuff though… Your choice.
Body:
Using one of the Loose Cast on methods, cast on an even number of stitches to give you half of your body circumference. (round up as needed)
Knit in whatever method you have chosen until you get the length you want in the stitch pattern you want.
NB: The Cast on edge is the bottom of the work. If you are Ribbing/Mossing, start with this, then change to the stitch for the main body.
Cast off.
Repeat.
MAKE SURE you do the same number of rows on both sides! This does involve counting, not just guessing! If you don’t want too much counting at the end, use some split-ring stitch markers to mark up the work every 20 rows, then you only have to count what after the last marker.
If you want a neater edge, slip the first stitch on each row. This is not vital though, as the edge will be hidden in the seams.
“Fancy Neck Hole” variation:
On one of the body pieces:
Cast off the middle 2 stitches of the row when you get about 10cm from the top on one of the pieces.
This divide the work in half and creates an easier neck opening to use.
You will need either a large stitch marker, or a third active needle to do this.
These stitches will be left fallow as you knit up to the top of one half of the piece.
Then reattach the yarn at the cast off point and knit up the other half.
MAKE SURE you do the same number of rows on both sides of the neck divide!
Arms:
Using the same Cast on as above, cast on for the full circumference of your sleeve.
Knit as above until it is as long as you want.
Cast off.
Repeat.
Sewing up:
Be warned, sewing up takes time. For a smooth finish, sometimes it will take you as long to sew up as it did to knit. You can just do it anyhow you want, however, learn how to do Mattress Stitch for a truly professional finish. If you have used Stocking Stitch, and want a fully Reversible Jumper with no visible seams, you could thread the edges onto long circular needles and use Kitchener Stitch to sew up. You could also use Crochet techniques, and Slip Stitch all the parts together.
Sew the sides together from the bottom up, leaving just under over half of your sleeve’s circumference not sewn at the top of the body.
Sew the top edge together, naturally leaving the neck space open. At least a 30cm gap is good for most average size adults. If you’ve done the “fancy neck” variation, this will probably come down to about 25cm. Start at either end, work inwards, so that the hole is balanced to the centre of the work, and you can try on as you go if in doubt.
Sew the Sleeve edges together to form 2 tubes, leaving about 10cm at the top end not sewn up.
Centre the middle of one sleeve to the shoulder seam at one side and attach to the Body where you have left the hole for it to fit. The sleeve seam runs along the bottom side, so the join of the three sides is in the armpit not on the shoulder. (If you have any doubt about what I mean, just look at the way any of your Shirt sleeves are attached to your shirt…)
Sew up the hole left under the armpit.
Repeat on the other sleeve.
As I said, take you time, and get this right. Otherwise, you stand the risk of your jumper falling apart on you.
Press/Block it:
Rinse, squeeze the water out by rolling in a towel until just damp, and then either steam press if wool or another fibre than can take the heat, or lay it out in the shape you want it to be in on another dry towel until it is totally dried in shape.
Wear in a sloppy manner.
